Our War Read online

  The woman scratched at her bandage. “Is this your water? It’s a lot for just one girl.”

  Hannah heaved the belt over her shoulder, but the load was too heavy. She unbuckled the belt, looped it through a single jug, and started walking. Mrs. Bevis would get upset if Hannah didn’t bring back her water.

  The woman scrabbled the rest into her arms. “Bless you, young lady!”

  Hannah didn’t answer. Still in shock, just trying to think.

  Images flashed through her mind. Convention center, Hall D. Red Cross packages. Bulldozers digging a trench at the American Legion Mall.

  Mom knocked to the ground still wearing a loving smile.

  “No crying,” Hannah yelled. Not this time, not ever again.

  She did anyway. She was going to cry forever.

  She found herself near Victory Field. Merchants had converted the baseball diamond into an open-air market. As she grew close, the city’s smells thickened. Waste, burning, death.

  Mom had taken her here before so they could look at all the nice things. Back in Sterling, they’d once had everything. A heated home and plenty to eat. School and clothes and summer camps.

  And after they lost it all, Mom said: Now we know what’s truly important. Now we know how to live in the moment.

  Something out of nothing. Hannah had no idea where to even start.

  If the worst happens and I can’t take care of you, you have to survive.

  Mom hadn’t taught her how.

  If she went back to the refugee center, the aid workers would put her in an orphanage. She’d seen war orphans roaming the streets like packs of wild dogs, fighting over territory and salvage.

  The idea of living with them terrified her.

  Hannah veered into the bustling market and walked through the crowds in a daze. It was the first time she’d ever wanted to become lost.

  People hauled old and useful things to and from sellers standing behind plastic picnic tables. A man grunted as he pushed a shopping cart filled with firewood across the cold, rutted ground. Everybody looked skinny and tired. Vapor puffed from open mouths.

  She stopped to warm herself at a burning trash can. Nearby, a seller had connected a car battery to a TV tuned to CNN. She watched it for a while, mesmerized. The handsome newsman wore a grave expression. The scrolling caption read, PRESIDENT SUSPENDS OTTAWA TALKS.

  Always this stupid war.

  “Hot cocoa, kid?” a man said. He’d set up a hillbilly coffee shop at his table. Balanced on bent coat hangers, Campbell’s soup cans boiled water over fires burning in other containers. She spotted jars of instant coffee, packets of hot cocoa.

  Hot chocolate. It made her think about all the little things that were gone. Ice cubes tinkling in a glass of lemonade on a summer day. Bologna and mustard sandwich in her lunch box. Warm sheets just out of the dryer. Cartoons on TV. A text from a friend on her phone. Fragments of a long dream, already half-forgotten.

  Back then, her biggest worry was math tests.

  Thinking about the little things made her forget, if only for a second, what she really missed. Mom, Dad, Alex, her friends and teachers back in Sterling.

  Now we know what’s truly important.

  Hannah shook her head at the man. She had no money.

  One of his fires burned out, and he bent to relight it. This was the new math. The precise amount of heat it took to boil a cup of water. How to make an aid package provide calories for two people for a week.

  “I’ll trade you,” he said. “Half what you got in that jug for a cup of hot cocoa.”

  It seemed a fair deal. “Okay.”

  Careful not to spill a drop, the man measured out half a gallon. Then he filled a Styrofoam cup to the brim with hot chocolate. It steamed in the cold air.

  “This’ll warm you right up.” He smiled. “I gave you a packet that had marshmallows.”

  Hannah sipped. The cocoa scalded her tongue, but she didn’t care. Its heat flooded her chest. Her taste buds sang. “Thank you.”

  He dabbed a napkin and offered it to her. “You have some… red on your face.”

  Hannah took it and balled it in her fist.

  “Indy is one of the last places in Indiana that is still America,” a stout policewoman cried from a nearby table. She wore an impressive uniform that included ballistic armor. Behind her, a blue banner displayed an eagle, gold stars, and the roman capitals IMPD, which stood for the Indianapolis Metropolitan Police Department. “We must defend ourselves. We can’t do it alone.”

  Hannah gazed at her with wide eyes as she sipped her hot cocoa. The woman appeared confident, well-fed, and tough.

  “Do you want to suffer wrongs or right them?” she said. “Do you want a democracy or a dictator? Do you love the Constitution? Step right up and do your part by joining the Metro Police. Three square meals a day! Signing bonus if you have military experience!”

  Food, Hannah heard. Power and control.

  The police would teach her how to survive. She wanted to be this woman, standing strong in armor and being able to protect herself.

  She approached the table. “Hey, can I join your police?”

  The woman sized her up with a glance. “Too young.”

  “I don’t have anywhere else to go.”

  “Sorry, kid. I can’t help you.”

  “Do you know where the front line is? The one facing Sterling?”

  She pointed. “That way.”

  “My brother’s on the other side. He’ll take care of me.”

  She started walking again, this time with purpose.

  Alex was all she had left in the world, unless the war had taken him too. She’d cross the front line and find him.

  “Wait,” the policewoman said.

  She wrote in her leather notebook and tore out a sheet. Hannah frowned as she inspected it. Traffic summons. It said she had to go to court.

  Then she read what the woman had written. An address. Prospect Street.

  “Why do I have to go there?”

  “It’s what you’re looking for, and it’s safer than where you were going.”

  “Did you find my brother?”

  The woman turned away and called out, “Indy is one of the last places left in Indiana that is still America!”

  Hannah scrubbed her face with the damp napkin and returned to the coffee seller, who smiled and said, “How’s your cocoa?”

  “Good.” She showed him the traffic ticket. “Do you know where this is?”

  He scrutinized it. “You going there?”

  “Yeah.”

  “It’s in Fountain Square. A bit of a walk. I’ll draw you a map.”

  It was in the opposite direction of where she wanted to go. So far in the opposite direction, it was near a whole other front line.

  She finished the last of her hot chocolate and handed the cup back to the man to reuse. Then she left the market and walked along the route he’d drawn.

  Each step took her farther from the refugee center. Ahead lay a long, cold trek. She had no idea where she was going or how long it’d take to get there.

  The freezing wind tugged at her, as if it too wanted her to go back.

  She kept going.

  Hannah was mad now. Mad at the sniper shooting her mom for no reason. The policewoman sending her on a wild-goose chase. This whole stupid war.

  Anger felt better than helpless despair. She held on to it. She was going to walk until she discovered what the policewoman said she was looking for.

  Hannah had been trying to become lost. This was as good a way as any to do it.

  FOUR

  The C-130 taxied on the runway before parking near an aircraft hangar. Corporal Kassar heaved Gabrielle’s duffel bag over his shoulder and offered his hand. She took it and stood to stretch aching muscles battered by the rough flight.

  He said, “No offense, but you don’t seem cut out for this line of work.”

  “My first time in the field,” she admitted.

 
“I got out of Syria during the civil war against President Assad. You might say I grew up in a place like this. You want some advice?”

  “Sure.”

  “Watch out for the kids,” he said. “They’ll rob you blind.”

  Gabrielle threw him a warning look. He grinned.

  “Okay, okay,” he said. “Here’s my advice. Keep your idealism in check and take your time.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “The United States is no longer united, right? Neither is Indianapolis. There are at least a hundred major militias in the city, some just armed gangs.”

  “I don’t care about the sides. I’m here for the children.” She looked around the cargo hold as the ramp dropped. “These supplies will do them some good.”

  As long as the humanitarian aid kept flowing, the innocent majority might survive.

  “All I’m saying is get to know the players and how things work before you try to change things. Allow yourself to accept small victories. It’s the trying that counts. I’ve flown out enough burned-out aid workers to have learned this much.”

  Maybe spending more time with Kassar wasn’t such a bad idea. “So how does one date during a siege?”

  He laughed. “I was trying to take your mind off the landing.”

  “It’s too late to back out now, mon cher.”

  “I’m not authorized to go into the city,” he said. “And if I did, somebody would think I’m an Arab terrorist and shoot me. The whole country has lost its marbles. When you get home, look me up and I’ll buy you a drink. You’ll need it.”

  She smiled. “It’s a deal.”

  “Here, take this too. For good luck.”

  He removed his talisman and gave it to her. It was a gold maple leaf on a chain, symbol of Canada and its multicultural unity. Where Kassar had found a safe place to call home after fleeing his own civil war.

  “Thank you,” Gabrielle said, touched by the gesture.

  She took her duffel bag and walked down to the tarmac, enjoying the feel of solid ground again. Forklifts converged on the plane to offload its precious cargo.

  A slim young soldier with big ears met her at the bottom of the ramp. “Pleased to meet you, ma’am. I’m Lieutenant Douglas. I’m your liaison officer.”

  She shook his hand. “Gabrielle Justine, UNICEF.”

  He reached for her bag. “Let me get that for you. That’s my jeep there.”

  Gabrielle had expected this reception based on her briefing. Units of the Indiana Army National Guard held the airport southwest of the city, along with a narrow strip of land between West Washington Street and I-70.

  The jeep sped off toward a hangar, where Lieutenant Douglas had arranged safe transportation into Indy. He sat rigid behind the wheel, polite but distant. She sensed he’d rather be doing something else.

  Soldiers smoked cigarettes around a burning barrel by a drab utility shed. An impressive armored vehicle rolled past. She wondered why these men weren’t out there trying to put an end to all this. They didn’t seem to be doing anything.

  “I hope you won’t mind a word about your helmet,” he said.

  She reached up to touch the cold metal dome. “Did I put it on wrong?”

  “It’s blue.”

  “The press and UN wear blue helmets,” she said. “It means I’m neutral.”

  “Yes, ma’am. Not everybody sees it that way.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  “For some folks here, the UN is the enemy. They think the UN wants to strip America of its sovereignty. They hate you more than they hate the press. I’m trying to tell you your helmet might as well have a bull’s-eye on it.”

  “I came here to help the children,” she said.

  He shrugged. “Make of it what you want.”

  Gabrielle studied his neutral profile and wondered about his motives telling her this. “What about you? What do you think of the UN?”

  “My orders don’t include thinking about the UN, ma’am.”

  The liaison officer parked the jeep and hopped out. She didn’t press it further. The short jaunt across the windy tarmac in the open-top jeep had her frozen. She followed him into the hangar on uncertain legs.

  “Make yourself at home,” he said. “We’re waiting for one more passenger, and then the APC will take you all to Indy. Good luck, ma’am.”

  “Lieutenant Douglas.” Her voice sounded loud in the cavernous space.

  “Ma’am?”

  Gabrielle gestured around her. “What are you doing here?”

  “Our priority mission is to provide security for the airport and aid shipments.”

  “I mean, why don’t you stop the fighting?”

  He smiled. “Do you want the response I’m supposed to give or the real answer?”

  “The real one.”

  “The real answer is it’s complicated.”

  The liaison officer set her bag on the floor and left her standing by a big armored personnel carrier. Its crew clambered over it like monkeys, performing maintenance. Technical exchanges and ribald asides echoed off the metal walls. The soldiers paused to nudge one another until they were all leering at her.

  Gabrielle shied away toward a coffee service set up against a wall of sandbags. She steadied herself with a deep breath and poured a steaming cup. Her stomach growled, though she had little real appetite. She popped a bagel into the toaster anyway. She’d force it down.

  The military had Wi-Fi. Her cell started pinging, texts from home.

  “Haven’t seen you before.” Two men lay on nearby cots, blue helmets by their feet. One sat up. “Hello. Who are you with?”

  She sipped her coffee, savoring its heat. “United Nations Children’s Fund.”

  Shoulders sagging and his face weighted down by jowls, the middle-aged man was built like a melting iceberg. His eyes, however, glittered with energy and intelligence, giving him a cunning look. “I’d heard they were letting UNICEF into the country.”

  “I’m Gabrielle Justine.”

  “Pleased to make your acquaintance. Terry Allen, The Guardian.”

  “The British newspaper.”

  “The very same. I’m doing the full tour. Hitting all the big cities.”

  The other man waved from his cot. “Walt Payne. I’m with the Gary municipal government. Here to see the governor. Welcome to the Alamo.”

  Like Indianapolis, Gary, Indiana, was under siege. Population eighty thousand, the city protected Chicago’s eastern flank.

  “You may as well settle in,” Terry said. “It’s always hurry up and wait with military types. We’ve been sitting on our arses all morning watching these blokes get their vehicle sorted. How did you get in?”

  “I hitched a ride on a shipment of humanitarian aid from Canada.”

  The man snorted. “Investment is more like it.”

  She blinked. “Why do you say it like that?”

  “Canada is being overrun with refugees who riot if they can’t get a decent cheeseburger. The Canucks figure if they feed the Yanks here, they’ll stay put.”

  The soldiers had stopped working on the APC and were listening.

  “I don’t think you’re being fair,” she said.

  He was showing off by playing the cynical journalist. In her view, Canada’s desire to help was earnest. The whole country felt like children stuck in their room while their alcoholic parents beat the crap out of each other downstairs.

  “Look,” Terry went on, “most of the aid doesn’t even reach the people for whom it’s intended. The city government puts the lot in warehouses, where most of it mysteriously disappears and ends up on the black market.”

  And certain men profited from the misery. Gabrielle sensed this was just a taste of what she was up against. Nothing about this place appeared welcoming.

  She said, “How do you know all that?”

  “It’s been the same in every city I’ve visited. Why should Indianapolis be different? There may be seven basic plots in literature, but in re
al life, there’s only one, and it is always explained by following the money.”

  Her bagel popped in the toaster.

  Crump, crump.

  The soldiers dove to the floor. “INCOMING!”

  Gabrielle dropped her mug, which shattered.

  Terry was already on the ground pulling on his helmet. “For Christ’s sake, get down!”

  She landed hard with a cry. Mortar rounds shrieked as they tore the air overhead. Muffled explosions vibrated through the cold concrete. Coffee soaked into her sleeve.

  “If you hear the round, it’s not going to kill you,” Terry said.

  “Okay,” she gasped.

  “If you don’t hear it, well, you’re fucked.”

  The soldiers got to their feet and pulled on their gear. Their hairy sergeant growled, “Mount up. We’re moving out now.”

  Terry heaved his bulk off the floor and grabbed his luggage. Walt was already jogging to the APC’s rear door. Gabrielle followed.

  “You forgot your kit,” Terry said.

  She ran back for her duffel bag as mortars thudded in the distance. She threw herself down again to wait out the barrage. The APC’s engine roared to life.

  Get up, she told herself, though she remained glued to the floor.

  The engine revved like a warning. She picked herself up and raced to the vehicle’s protection with her bag.

  Terry was inside next to Walt, who said, “You still with us, Gabrielle?”

  She sat trembling in the cramped compartment. The ramp closed.

  The reporter chuckled. “They don’t teach you much at UN school, do they?”

  She’d received a crash course on the political and military situation in Indiana, the local population and culture, and her humanitarian responsibilities.

  They hadn’t taught her how to survive.

  FIVE

  Anger kept Hannah moving, but it couldn’t keep her warm. The cold seeped into her bones. The sloshing water jug grew heavier with each step. The napkin in her pocket had her mother’s blood on it. She broke down outside a boarded-up pet store, eyes flooded with tears.

  The few people on the street ignored her as they went about their errands.

  Mom is gone, I’m all alone, and nobody cares.